#52Ancestors, Strong Woman

I’ve searched and searched and racked my brain (and the brain of others) in my endeavour to find a subject for this topic. In 2018 I hinted at some women in my tree and the tough decisions some had made in their lives, some who overcame difficult situations and others who stood up to be counted for something they believed in.

So this time had to be different. I looked for people with the Strong surname – none. I’m pretty sure there are no women weightlifters or circus people hiding on a yet unexplored branch of the tree either.

So, what makes you strong ?

One person’s strength is not the same as another – even if the two are as close as sisters. Is the sister who bid farewell to all that was familiar to her and followed her husband to the other side of the world to make a new life with better opportunities for her children stronger than her sister who stayed and lived in the same village as generations had before her ?

Everybody’s journey is unique and the events we experience shape us; the way we respond to them defines us.

Caroline Ann Cooper is someone in my family who I think was a pretty strong woman. She strikes me as a resilient, strong woman to have carried on despite the adversities she faced.

Things started out great, she was born in Wellington, New Zealand on 23 January 1861, the 6^th child for John Cooper a tailor and his wife Mary Ann. By the time her younger sister Emma was born 20 months later, her family had left Wellington and relocated to Kekerengu, north of Kaikoura on the east coast of South Island where her grandmother and several of her mother’s brothers and sisters had also moved. A few short years later when she was about 10, the family had moved south into the township of Kaikoura where the youngest three of her siblings were born.

When she was about fifteen her mother left, taking the three youngest children with her to Australia. By that time two of her sisters had married and started their own families so I imagine it would have been expected that Caroline would assume some of the responsibilities, along with her eldest sister, of caring for the younger children and their father. In September 1879 her eldest sister Charlotte died aged 28.

Tom Cooke and his cousin William emigrated in the mid 1870’s first to the West Coast before settling in Kaikoura. They were both in the building trade. My great grandfather is said to have been apprenticed to him. William was a painter and ironmonger, operating a hardware store and offering employing to locals. He also left a legacy to the youth of Kaikoura – but that might be another story.

In April 1881 Caroline and Tom were married. Their first child and only son Thomas, arrived three months later. Three daughters followed, the youngest in 1887.

Something went awry though; in 1891 Tom appears on the UK census…and he is on every subsequent UK census until his death in 1926. Caroline remained in Kaikoura and raised her children, I guess with some support from her family, perhaps also from Tom’s cousin William.

In 1902 her son Thomas married in Wellington where it is thought he had been living and working for some time, then her eldest daughter married in Waiau in 1904. In 1905 her middle daughter, Flora, died aged 20. In about 1912 ahead of the outbreak of World War 1 Thomas left Wellington, taking his family to Melbourne Australia where he continued to work as a builder later enlisting with the Australian Imperial Forces.

He did not return, dying at Pozieres in July 1916 and posthumously being awarded the Victoria Cross. A memorial brass tablet commemorating his heroism was unveiled at Kaikoura School, a gold necklet with an engraved Maltese Cross was presented to Caroline and a war memorial was erected to remember him and the other Kaikoura boys.

In April 1918 Caroline’s youngest daughter, Ethel, died after an operation at Christchurch Hospital. In November of the same year her eldest daughter, Catherine, was a victim of the “Spanish Flu” leaving seven children aged between 5 and 14 years.

A small notice appeared in the Marlborough Express, 3 December 1918

The death occurred at Waiau on Nov. 25th of Mrs Catherine Oldman, wife of Mr C.A Oldman, at the age of 35. The deceased was the only surviving member of Mrs C Cooke's family (Kaikoura) who has lost her three other children, including Private Thomas Cooke, who won the Victoria Cross whilst doing his duty to the Empire.

Caroline’s cottage on Brighton Street, Kaikoura was one of three which burnt down in the early hours of 27 June 1935. All her furniture except a piano was saved, the other two cottage occupants weren’t so lucky. Her home was rebuilt and is described in her estate sale as being 5 years old, a three roomed cottage with a bathroom, sunporch and detached washhouse.

After her death on 11 January 1941 just a few days short of her 80^th birthday, Caroline was buried in the Kaikoura Cemetery and her home, furniture and belongings were auctioned as part of estate.

#52Ancestors, Week 10, Strong Woman

We don’t all have a well known inspirational woman in our family trees. We can’t all lay claim to Florence Nightingale, Maya Angelou, Mother Teresa, Marie Curie, Emmeline Pankhurst or Joan of Arc. But within all our trees there are some pretty amazing ladies, I’m sure.

Who do I choose to write about this week ?

One of my pioneer great great grandmothers who came with their husband and children to take a chance on a new life; a better life, in a country so far away from England it was hard to comprehend ? They had no idea what the land was like, whether the earth was arable and whether they would be able to grow the crops they had always grown. Many of them had not seen the sea or lived near to it; yet they were prepared to travel over it on a cramped, leaky sailing ship for about three months – and give it a go. Not like now, when we plan our holidays and escape through colour brochures and online.

Or my great great grandmother who left her apparently unhappy marriage in New Zealand and took her youngest three children to start a new life in Australia ? Not just leaving behind her husband, but ten other children, her mother, brothers and sisters. Why not just move away to another district ?

Perhaps my great grandmother’s cousin, whose family had joined the Mormon Church and emigrated from Wiltshire to Utah ? She married at eighteen to a church elder thirty five years her senior; becoming his fourth wife. Did she know that two of those wives were still alive, that one had left him, but the other was still married to him ? She stayed. When he died, and the laws of the church had changed and disinherited her for not being his legal wife, she contested his will. Argued for her share AGAINST her children – and WON.

Or my great grandmother, born in Marlborough and raised in the Horowhenua, who left school when she was about 14 to help at home with younger siblings or with her older, married sister's new families. Then married four years later and began her own family, passing on all her domestic skills to her daughters.

What about my grandmother whose childhood family life was not so dissimilar to some we see on the news today ? She still took a chance, married and made a successful family for her children with values and traditions which have been passed on to her children and grandchildren.

Then in my daughter’s paternal family; what about her 8xgreat grandmother, daughter of the Ewen (Dubh) Cameron 5^th Lochiel and 17^th chieftain, from his 3^rd marriage. Married aged about 15 to a Campbell. The two families did not always get along. How did she feel as a pawn in her father’s powerplay ? One of her sons was Colin, the Red Fox of the Appin Murders ‘fame’.

Or her 5xgreat grandmother who came to Australia with her family as shepherds and never spoke a word of English in her life. Gaelic, through and through. She endured the dry heat of what is now the ACT and likely pined for the cooler climes of the Highlands. Who brought with her five sons and six daughters, but not one son married to carry on the name.

Or her 3x great grandmother who gave birth to twins in the workhouse when she was nineteen. Named their father on the bastardy bond and returned to work as a domestic servant until she was able to remove the surviving child from the workhouse and provide a home with her new husband five years later.

So you see, it is too hard to pick one. If not for these women though, the wives of bakers, farmers, millers, shepherds and labourers, we would not be here. 

It is time to remind women everywhere that we HAVE a voice, that we ARE strong. All of us, in our own way. That we CAN do anything.

But also, remember that not all our problems are the fault of men. There ARE good men in the world, there always have been. Men who want better for their children, who are willing to take on the child of another man and raise it as their own, who are gentle and caring. We should NOT let society and the media tell us otherwise. We should have some faith in humanity as we stand up for each other.

You don't need to be a tall poppy, and an inspiration to the whole human race, you just need to be the best YOU that you can be. Who knows, maybe someday someone will look back and say "I just want to be like her."

Here’s to STRONG women

May we KNOW them

May we BE them

May we RAISE them.

-Unknown

We are the grand daughters

Of all the WITCHES

You were never able to burn.

-Unknown

I am strong

I am invincible

I am woman.

-Helen Reddy