Close up; like in focus ? Or close up; like a clam. Hmmm.
As a researcher I come across plenty of both. Sometimes I
get so engrossed with researching a particular person, I really get to know
them. Close up. I want to know every detail that I can, where they lived, what
the village/town/city was like – what does it look like now, who were their
neighbours, friends. I want to understand what life was like for them. If I can
go to the place where they lived and have a nosey around; walk the streets and
laneways which they walked, all the better.
Then there are the other things, obstacles, brickwalls,
secrets. Where everyone you ask knows nothing – or if they do it is a bunch of
chinese whispers; or they just close up; like a clam.
But I have to know.
It is heart wrenching that so many things which we hardly
blink an eye at today, caused so much distress and shame in the past. People –
our flesh and blood – suffered; keeping secrets, not letting their guard down,
not giving anything away; when sharing may actually have been cathartic.
I always wonder when I find the clue, or the answer to
the riddle. Wouldn’t they be SO amazed to learn what we have found – once they
get past the piece that caused the hurt in the first place.
Some things, like having a convict in your past, are even
welcomed and celebrated by researchers.
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